“som que não pode ser ouvido”

18

Sep 2008

142 comentários

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Um pouco sobre o agora

Algumas coisas podem ser ditas, algumas coisas crescem na luz da consciência alheia.

Há seis anos eu decidi como seria o cenário da história de meu livro. Há três anos eu decidi quem era meu protagonista e sua história. E por um ano eu planejei sua trama.

Com a atividade de criar a história eu aprendi muito sobre a vida. Aprendi sobre padrões, sobre pessoas, sobre escolhas.

Mas eu escolhi mal meus heróis de atividade, Camões, Virginia Woolf… e resolvi atirar pedras em Tolkien, apesar de saber, mas negar, que eu tinha nele uma ótima figura para me inspirar. Camões foi um fracassado em sua época, apesar da grande obra que fez, que eu admito, nunca li inteira. Virginia Woolf enlouqueceu e acabou suicidando. Tolkien morreu velhinho, acredito que feliz.

A maldição da história é se envolver na história dos personagens, e sem notar, se envolver na trama deles. A maldição do contador de histórias é passar a viver todas as suas histórias.

E agora eu me vejo numa busca entre papéis, procurando, tentando fazer jorrar a água da fonte que outrora eu aterrei. Como meu personagem que passou anos morto e é acordado, volta, e não se lembra de nada. Passa outros anos procurando sua identidade, pra no fim… bem, não vou contar o fim de uma história que nem escrevi ainda.

Eu procurei entre textos antigos e lendo o que leio encontro pedaços de mim que deixei para trás, e me condeno: Ah! Por que eu não mantinha um diário? Faria o meu trabalho muito mais fácil. E é por isso que mantenho um agora.

Eu penso… é ridículo estar procurando entre papéis velhos o que eu deveria ter aqui dentro. É difícil retomar o fio da meada. Mas eu continuo na busca, na luta, na jornada.

Assim, eu oficialmente mudo o tema e objetivo do meu blog… ele passa a ser MEU blog, não um blog sobre isso ou aquilo, como eu pretendi mas nunca cheguei a de fato ser, e será como sempre deveria ter sido.

142 comentários para “Um pouco sobre o agora”

  1. Lu diz:
    19 Sep 2008 at 6:11 pm

    A maldição da história é se envolver na história dos personagens, e sem notar, se envolver na trama deles. A maldição do contador de histórias é passar a viver todas as suas histórias.
    …
    é ridículo estar procurando entre papéis velhos o que eu deveria ter aqui dentro.
    …
    ele passa a ser MEU blog, não um blog sobre isso ou aquilo …
    …
    foram as idéias que mais marcaram…

  2. magnus diz:
    06 Oct 2008 at 2:37 am

    Me identifiquei. E pontos a mais por ter escrito “acabou suicidando” ao invés de “acabou se suicidando”, porque quem se suicida se mata a si mesmo. Ou foi erro de digitação?!

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