30

Dec 2008

Retrospectiva 2008

Janeiro

Só o otimismo, vontade de crescer na MZ, sonhos pra um projeto que parecia que tinha tudo pra dar certo.

Fevereiro

Bônus na MZ, estava entre os colaboradores com maior desempenho no semestre, meu departamento bombando e eu era responsável pelas aprsentações, minha vida era um sonho.

Março

Caí da cama, comecei o mês me apaixonando por quem não devia, mas mesmo assim eu tentei. Tentei por três meses. Começaram as frustações na MZ, problemas de comunicação, virei noites trabalhando, não recebi nada além de críticas… queria férias, não aguentava mais, e não consegui, meu desempenho caiu.

Abril

Meu mundo de perfeição desfalecia, amigos eu já tinha bem poucos, quem era mais próximo começou a me confundir mais, criticando como eu era, que eu não era mais o mesmo… Minha paixonite continuava frustada, eu continuava ali, mais problemas no trabalho.

Maio

Meu mundo caiu. O emprego ganhou o status de insuportável na minha vida, consegui “férias” de três dias emendadas com algum feriado, fui pra Curitiba, tomei dois canos de três pessoas que eu conhecia na cidade, minha gastrite fez meu estômago explodir. Decidi pedir demissão, mas também decidi esperar mais.

Junho

Desisti da minha paixão de março. E em junho fica o que eu considero o meu “ano novo”, a minha época de repensar a vida. E eu repensei. Passei a sair menos com quem me fazia sentir mal com o que eu era naquele momento, fiz novos amigos, decidi frequentar um círculo que meus entãoamigos sempre criticavam e me surpreendi, conheci muita gente nova, conheci um mundo novo. Eu vi cor na vida de novo. Reencontrei antigos amigos.

Julho

Pedi demissão, ganhei o bônus de novo e foi decepcionante. O elevador caiu uns quatro andares comigo dentro, foi bem traumatizante. Foi o começo de um relacionamento. Viajei. Descansei. Gastei fortunas com remédios contra gastrite.

Agosto

Mais fortuna com gastrite. Foi o mês que mais fui pro cinema, foi o mês que mais saí. Novos amigos,nova agenda, nova vida, tudo parecia perfeito e lindo. E eu descansei. Minha paixonice de outono voltou como amizade.

Setembro

O prenúncio de uma tempestade. “Vomitei” coisas engolidas há muito tempo, o relacionamento virou namoro, algumas amizades se confundiram. Eu fiquei confuso… Foi o começo da primavera, eu comecei a tentar ser livre.

Outubro

Torres caíram. Namoro terminou. O descanso acabou, voltei a trabalhar, mas em casa. Amizades fortes se abalaram, talvez eu tenha me equivocado. Aprendi lições inestimáveis. Lancei o Agenda Pagã.

Novembro

Novos amigos. Ritual. Celebração. Os laços se afrouxaram, o espaço cresceu, eu tive espaço pra abrir as minhas asas e meus espinhos. Tive mais decepções, por elas e por elas serem confundidas com raiva, fui mal interpretado, fiquei chateado.

Dezembro

Tudo ficou óbvio. Novos trabalhos, novas perspectivas. Novos círculos de amigos. Saudade de alguns antigos. Últimos dias do ano sozinho em casa, está sendo ótimo pra mim.

Geral

Esse ano foi dolorido, cheio de traumas, de decepções. Mas a isso sempre se seguiu felicidade, superação e um gostinho de liberdade. Foi um ano pra eu treinar minha ousadia, pra eu experimentar da minha essência e viver como eu gosto, sem me preocupar em agradar os outros, sem viver em função dos outros. Meu 2008 se resumiu na primavera… mas eu ainda quero ver meu verão, ainda quero saber o que me aguarda no outono.

Das minhas metas segui quase nenhuma. Por isso desde a primavera eu tenho metas (ou perspectivas) por estações.

Se eu tivesse que escolher uma música pra 2008 seria Declare Independance, da Björk. (eu me lembro do show dela ainda, lembro dela encerrando com essa música)

Ou a Journey to the Underworld, de Sigur Rós, em trilha para o filme islandês Angels of the Universe.

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