23
Dec
Um desabafo
Deixa eu desabafar um pouco.
Eu detesto domingos, e o natal pra mim parece um “super domingo”, sentiram a força do meu sentimento pelo natal?
Mas ok. Não é isso que anda me chateando mais. Porque eu passo pelo natal como passo por todos os domingos do ano, ignoro. Eu simplesmente não levo a sério nada que eu sinto em domingos, minhas “emices” e carências, minhas saudades, minhas vontades… ignoro, como se não fosse meu.
Mas… esses dias eu ando bem chateado com certas amizades. Não que são pessoas que não estão vivendo como eu queria que vivessem, talvez seja o contrário, gente que se chateou comigo porque eu não quero seus valores e seus ideais pra mim. Eu não posso seguir esses conselhos insanos, disfarçados de bom senso, que eu tentei uma vez e só me levaram a um abismo… que eu não conheci o fundo porque “aprendi a voar” antes de chegar lá.
Resultado da minha aparente negligência? As pessoas se magoam, vão embora.
Mas eu entendo. Só faço que não. Um dia eu aprendi que entender os motivos do outro não nos obriga a perdoar. É realmente uma carga pesada perdoar a todos, para mim soa como carregar pessoas nas costas. Eu prefiro passar alguns dias chateado do que levar uma pessoa nas costas a vida inteira, ou até ser “enforcado” porque não ando rápido o suficiente.
Eu falo perdoar no sentido de fingir que nada aconteceu. Não guardo mágoa, mas me afasto pra me preservar de uma nova ferida.
Não é divertido ser visto como “grande amigo”, “conselheiro” e “única pessoa que poderia me ajudar neste momento”, cargas muito pesadas. Às vezes eu penso que quero ser a “sombra”, aquele sozinho ali no canto, é muito mais leve viver daquele jeito.
Uma amiga um dia sumiu, ficou incontactável, mas eu insisti e consegui falar com ela. Ela só me disse que precisava ficar sozinha como precisava de comida. Cada dia eu entendo isso mais e mais, já estou quase no ponto de dizer isso sobre mim.
Daí preciso aprender a diferenciar amigo de assistenciado.
Que vocês tenham um ótimo natal, um bom fim de ano e um bom começo. Mas pra mim essas datas não são nada, a data especial pra mim é outra.
23 Dec 2008 at 8:03 pm
Realmente Cadu… amigo é diferente de assistenciado… e entender os motivos do outro não nos obriga a perdoar…
Obrigada por compartilhar…
*Lu*
24 Dec 2008 at 4:34 am
Datas especiais somos nós que fazemos.
25 Dec 2008 at 4:03 pm
concordo em poucas partes.
você sabe o que eu penso sobre isso de se isolar por proteção, já te disse. 😛
enfim. :*
29 Dec 2008 at 1:43 am
me sinto como você :~
29 Dec 2008 at 1:46 am
me sinto assim :~~
24 Sep 2014 at 6:33 pm
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